Naked Ankles

I want to be vulnerable, I want to take a chance and have my heart broken, I want to shed these walls and remove the barriers between myself and another. I put up a front and I have learned to be independent to the point where it inhibits my relationships.

 

A Customer Service Revolution

I am a Travel Advisor dealing in the luxury market. Being of service to others is the platform of our business. It is very rewarding to work with people and bring their travel dreams into a reality. Whatever you want we can arrange it, so don't limit your thoughts. It may only be your bank account that limits you from having that hot air balloon over Cappadocia in Turkey while you propose to your future fiance! Keep dreaming though because I like to think it will happen one day through the power of positive thought.

When we work with clients who are grateful of the services we provide and realistic in terms of quality to price ratio then both parties are happy. I am always completely transparent with my clients on what is going on with their trip because we are working together and doing collaborative travel planning. I want to know my clients on a personal level and build a relationship because travel experiences are meant to be built specific for the client's desires. Everyone is happy when it all goes well but what about when there are complaints? I find when the client's are looking for a transactional agent instead of a transformational agent  then there can be discrepancy's between what the client thought they were getting and what they are in fact getting. This can happen all across the customer service industry (restaurants, hotels, retail clothing to name a few). And it is those people that complain that seem to get "more". The people who complain generally complain often in their life. The "cold soup" is just another avenue for them to get something extra. I'm not sure what is going on with their thoughts but I hope the people who complain are not doing it for a reason such as a free dinner, an upgrade on an airline or complimentary hotel nights.

I recently was talking to two employees from a Luxury Cruise Line who work in the compliants department. They were very kind people and they were able to laugh off some of the conversations they have had with past guests. To that, I salute them. I would find that to be a very tough and heavy job. They told me that each complaint they have gets filed and they make a note of the extra amenities or free cruises they give out to these complainers. Some people have even been blacklisted for complaining too much. The fellow that I was talking to brought up a wonderful point, "Why do the complainers get a free cruise? What about the client's who have booked 50+ cruises with them, what do they get for being so loyal?"

I think it is time to have a Customer Service Revolution. How can we stop rewarding complainers and start rewarding loyal, trustworthy consumers who appreciate our products and service? What would be the repercussions of this approach?

Everyone Everyday

Find humour, love and inspiration in the day to day! View the world with an objective viewpoint and have compassion for all people you come across including yourself. We may have different ranks or titles but our souls have come from and will end up in the same place. As quoted from my friend Andrew Stevens, "true class is the ability to accept everyone as equals". 

Effective Honesty

Everyone deserves honesty. Sometimes we are deceiving with our word because we do not want to "hurt" the person on the other end of the conversation. However in doing this, we have created drama. We think the other person (sorry ahead of time for the quote of a movie line) cannot handle the truth. We think they are not strong enough or they will be upset. However this sort of approach does not give the receiver any moral credit. You have now put them in a 'poor me' category. I believe it is important to spit out the facts, have courage and tell the truth, all the time. No matter what the situation and no matter what 'you think' will be the outcome. TELL THE TRUTH.

I speak of this through experience. I know we have all been in a situation where you just wanted the truth. Since we cannot control what others are going to do or say, in order to make this a reality in my life I have done my best to start living my truth. I speak my feelings, I act accordingly and I let others know what I am thinking. I am not a mind reader and not many of us are. Thinking that others know what we want is only going to end in disappointment. You are not being selfish if you put in your opinion...and don't forget we are all entitled to our own opinion.

Effective honesty is to be used in all situations in life however I am going to take one example in terms of romantic feelings. Romance is an area in our lives where so much drama is created. Situations are dreamt up, expectations are not met and we are all trying to live up to finding "the one". I do not beleive we have just one "soulmate". There are so many people in the world... in our Country, ok wait...in our very own city and neighbour who we are compatible with. I do not believe that if we speak of truth then we are spoiling any magic, actually I think the opposite... truth allows the magic to reveal itself. 

I recently approach a friend with romantic feelings. The feelings were not mutual but I had to put my feelings forth in order to let them go. It was a great decision as now our friendship has developed stronger. I have been able to move past any story I had created in my mind. I often find myself listening to my girlfriends chat about their dating scene and I throw my two cents into the mix about being honest. "Why don't you just tell him the truth?", I'll say. This is received often with a, "No, I could never do that!"

I find that when I am honest, it takes up a lot less of my energy. Living in the city, working in a service industry and exercising daily adds enough stress and strain to my body, I do not need to add stress on my body through created drama. It is important to our mental wellbeing to let our feelings flow instead of bottling them up inside and hoping or wishing that something will come from it.

Connecting Through Visceral Experiences

When we are young we hear the following saying numerous times from adults "Don't talk to strangers". I don't believe I was ever told this as a child because talking with "strangers" is one of my favourite things to do. A few months back I saw a post from Richard Branson writing about the importance of 'Talking to Strangers' and I completely agree. You can never can guess where a simple Hello will take you. I have made so many lifelong friends by just talking to a person who once was a "stranger". It might have been on public transit, at a restaurant, on an airplane or hiking a mountain. I find when I truly commit to the moment it is at this time that I open up. I am not thinking about what I need to cook for dinner, the emails I need to answer once I get to work or the credit card bill that is due tomorrow. I am aware of my surroundings smiling and making eye contact with whomever will accept it. I would like to share a couple of my favourite stories:

1) I was waiting at the Canada Line station and I noticed the only other person waiting for the train. I began talking to him (I told him he looked very handsome...I like to say what is on my mind) and it turns out he was from Liechtenstein. There is only a population of 36,000 in the whole country. The odds of meeting someone from this country is less than winning the lottery! He ended up coming over for family dinner a couples days later. 

2) I was working at a retail store as a greeter. I began talking with a fellow who looked around my age (I think I made a comment about his sunglasses). He just gave off fabulous energy. We exchanged information met up a couple days later and now I have met so many new people through him that I don't what my last year would have been like if I hadn't met him. 

3) I went for a swim in a glacier lake with my sister. As we came out of the water a gentleman came over to us and asked how cold the water was. We began talking and found that we connected instantly. I now have a friend in Missouri!

I understand some people are not as outgoing and will not just start talking to someone they do not know. I believe a trick to meeting people is to keep a sense of that childhood innocence with you. The knowing/thought that all people are good and are doing their best to do 'good' in this world. Children do not judge, they become friends instantly with people because they carry no previous judgement with them as their ego has not developed yet. I met one of my most cherished friends til this day when I was 5 years old. This person has had a tremendous impact on my life and forever will. I truly don't know what my life would be like without her. And it all started when I went over to her on the swings and I said I like your sweater (to add she was wearing a pretty righteous full burgundy roots sweatsuit!).

Meeting new friends does not mean that you give up your old friendships, or that these old friendships are not as important anymore. Building new friendships allows us to cooperate and build connections in a world that can seem lonely at times. 

Changing the World One Hug at a Time

About 5 years ago my Grandfather informed of his 5 guidelines to healthy living. I respect this man very much. He is always smiling and treats everyone he meets with the utmost respect. Currently he is 87 years of age, he plays hockey and golf (yes he walks the course) and he still comes into the office of the business he created almost 60 years ago. One of his 5 guidelines to healthy living was to hug someone everyday. This is not the first time I have heard of the benefits of physical touch through hugging. One article I read mentioned that in order to achieve personal growth you must have at least 8 hugs a day. I find it funny to place numbers on the amount of hugs one gives a day but I do find that I notice through my mood if I haven’t met my hug quota for the day. Through the act of hugging Oxytocin (one of the body’s four “feel good” neurotransmitters) is released allowing us to feel slightly more elated after the hug. Each morning at the office I start my day with a hug from my Grandfather and I try to share the love for the rest of the day. So I ask you this serious question of “Who have you hugged today”? If you cannot remember then it’s not too late to hug your neighbour, coworker, boss, the cashier at the grocery store, random person you started talking to at the bus stop, mother, sister or lover!

Make Life Rich

Be Kind to everyone, Do acts of generosity often, Have and share love, talk to strangers, Be grateful! 

Release the Need to Feel in Control of Everything

Today I was on my way down from my apartment to the ground floor. On the way my elevator picked up a gentleman on the 8^th floor. He got in, and pushed the ground floor button even though it was lit up. I was intrigued by this as it is not the first time I have noticed this same action. I thought to myself, did he push it due to habit? Or is more related to control, does he feel like he must push the button in order to “make sure” he will get to where he needs to go.  Everyone wants control of their life....which makes sense. However, more and more I am beginning to place my trust in the Universe and allow myself to flow in the river of life. I believe control issues come up when we are resisting situations that are coming our way and we are fearful of the future. Many disorders such as anorexia nervosa, bulimia, obsessive compulsive disorder all stem from the need to feel in control. I am not too familiar with OCD but from what I know people come up with rituals and need to do everything the exact same way to prevent a mishap. For example Mr. A is afraid that when he leaves his house, something could go wrong, so he spends an hour double and triple checking that the oven is off, all the plugs are unplugged, the switches are off. So how do we release these fears? How do we release the need to be in control?

Fear is something that I have thought a lot about. A person who I have grown up with and is very close to me is a very fearful person. This person is afraid of birds attacking her, afraid of getting in an accident that she couldn’t prevent, afraid of flying, and the list goes on. It can be exhausting to be around. Perhaps I have grown up to see her live in fear so I have taken the opposite approach and have released all or any fear. I think the main fear is of dying and these are just sub fears that could end up in death. I would love to learn more about how people in other cultures perceive death because one thing we can guarantee in our life is that we will die. This should not be something that we are fearful of as it is the circle of life. So how can we promote living life and not be afraid of living because we are afraid of dying?

Float Your Cares Away

The last couple months I have found that my mind has been running more than usual. I have been consciously repeating positive affirmations to avoid getting into a negative mind space. Living in the city is a constant attack on the senses. It has taken me a little while to get used to living on the 16^th floor of an apartment building, when before I was in living in a small town of 3,000 people. I find I look out my window in my room to the street below and there is always movement. Sometimes I find I get overwhelmed with the life of a city dweller and I look to the forest for comfort, reconnect with nature and disconnect from technology.

Sometimes I am not always able to escape to the forest when I want to. But recently, I became introduced to The Float House. It is a locally owned independent business and was opened in May of this year. I went for the first time yesterday and it was an incredible experience. I took a cramped bus ride down to the Cordova Street location after leaving work in an air conditioned building. The streets were busy and I did my best to dodge the smokers along the way but I made to the peaceful sanctuary of the Float House!  

After one of the co-owners, Greg, gave me a briefing of the “float” I was ready for the unknown. The float tank is a place of sensory deprivation. No sights, no sounds, just you and yourself! I made my way into the body temperature water, it was amazingly warm and nourishing. I don’t believe I have ever floated like that. The Epsom salt water fully supported my body, I was weightless. I noticed my breathing slow down and become deeper. In the tank I found it easy to let go, relax and unwind. I was in a deep meditative state which I believe is very healing. During the float I noticed that my physical body just melted away. I was just a consciousness.

After the float I left and walked down the same street but this time it was different. I was in pure bliss. Completely detached from any thoughts or judgements, I was just an observer. I usually feel this similar bliss after a yoga class but it was about 100x heightened after my float!

I will be making floating a regular addition to my meditation practice. Next step, the Dead Sea!

Lovers End but Love is Eternal

I recently finished reading The Celestine Prophecy written by James Redfield. The insights in this book read all to true for me. At one part of the book the author talks about the struggle for power that humans can have. Redfield said that you can leave a conversation and you either feel elated and strong or weak and powerless.  I find this true and it is due to an energy exchange that is happening. If people cut themselves off from the eternal source of energy that comes from being open and appreciative of the beauty all around us at all times then the only other way to recharge is to steal others energy.

  

I have found that dealing with my injury I have become extremely sensitive to people’s words and to the energy they emit. There was one time when a stranger was talking aggressively to me and I just started crying. I gave into this person’s drama. He was playing an intimidator role and I automatically fell into the poor me role. When in response I should bring his actions to consciousness. I am learning to open myself up to the endless supply of energy. It has been a journey these last few years but I have always had sports as a way to top myself up with energy. Sports are based on a struggle for power, who is the top dog? There is the desire to control and dominate each other in order to “win the game” and I have taken this mentality into everything I do. I placed way too much importance and sourced too much of my confidence from my physical capacity. It has been frustrating but perhaps a blessing in disguise to learn how to love myself unconditionally. Love that has no reason, love that has no parametres and love that exists because I am open this endless supply of earth’s beauty!

Redfield then began talking about romantic relationships. During these romantic relationships people can gain addictions to each other however this is not a recipe for a relationship of longevity. If two people are one half circle on their own they will come together and basically form one whole person. The energy that is exchanged between them is large at the beginning and there is what I know of as the “honeymoon” phase. But his honeymoon phase comes to an end because the energy that is just going back and forth between the couple dissipates. However during this time of addiction to one another each person has shut themselves off from receiving the earth’s supply of energy. Now the couple falls into noticeable patterns of the struggle for power. To avoid addiction to one another people should only come together when on their own they are a full circle; they have unconditional love for themselves. Then when two full circles come together they form a sort of super being; two beings that vibrate separately on their own and when together there is limitless energy being circulated. 

I know that is a cliché line, “to love one oneself unconditionally before loving another person” but it is in good reason that we hear this so often. Even if the lovers are to come to an end there is that eternal love vibrating within to allow one to always feel whole!

Another perspective

Today I had an appointment with a spinal specialist at Blusson Spinal Cord Centre. I went in and it was a typical doctor’s appointment, cold room, gown goes on, very little speaking and the doctor gets straight to the point. But I understand... the doctors are in high demand and there is little time to waste.

First we went through some tests to measure the severity of my symptoms and if there is any nerve damage. He found slight weakness in a couple tests which is great improvement. This was a different story 1 month ago when I had no signal going through to my calf...quite alarming. After the assessment the doctor debriefed my situation. As always there is conflicting information in the medical world. Each practitioner has their own doctrine. The surgeons prescribe surgery, the sports med doctors prescribe pain killers, the physiotherapists prescribe core exercises. This is what they have dedicated their time studying and practicing and it is impossible to know it all. As a patient you have to be just that, patient, when getting different people’s opinions. As the patient it is my job to be open to this information and take with me what feels right. Today this specialist earned my trust when he started speaking past the symptoms. Yes he went over the physical situation, disc herniations, pressure on the nerve ect. but what he went over with me that other people have not is why at such a young age am I experiencing such severe disc degeneration?

He talked to me about spinal tightness. The spine in most 20 year old females should move like an elastic band when one bends over. On average there should be about 10cm of movement I am currently getting 3cm...no wonder I feel like a rigid board when I am moving. He went on to speak about how core exercises make disc pain worse and that I should stop all treatment that I am having done now because it could actually cause more damage to my nerve. Hmmm....and that is where my confusion and hesitation set in. I go to one person and they tell me one thing then I go to another and I get a whole other philosophy....so what to do? As I mentioned earlier I just pick out the information that I like and form my own philosophy!

Another interesting point that the doctor talked about was regarding the body’s reaction to the jelly material inside the nucleus of the disc. In my L5-S1 I have a large herniation where the jelly material is extruded and pushing on my nerve. He said that this material is flagged as a foreign body and the immune system attacks it. He said that it is different in every person but sometimes that jelly material can be like battery acid and as soon as it hits the nerve it goes dead. Since I am dealing with a bad cough right now that came on since I have been healing from this injury I immediately saw the connection between disc herniations and sequestrations and immune system function. I knew that there is a lot of stress placed upon the body when one is dealing with a physical injury but I didn’t know that the white blood cells rush to the site of disc herniation.

So what to do....visualize the nerve healing and my body absorbing the extruded jelly material with the help of systemic enzymes all while pursuing comfort.

No Prerequisites for Love

I recently finished the book The Alchemist. It is a wonderful story and one line particularly stood out to me, One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving. I think this is quite a beautiful line and it is something that I feel I need to remind myself of often. There are no prerequisites needed for love.

Our Many Changing Identities

Throughout my life I have taken on many roles. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, a student, an athlete the list goes on and on. To different people I fill different roles and it is interesting to hear my friends or family members introduce me to new people. My father seemed to always place a title after he would introduce me...  “This is my daughter Jessy, she is a swimmer or she is a volleyball player”.  I understand why he did this though be these identities fill a necessary void when meeting new people, it allows categorization to happen which keeps life simple. Otherwise we would be overwhelmed with too much information all the time. This is the same reason why we place people into stereotypes. If I mention, banker, football player, doctor, hippie instantly images and description words come to your mind and that is normal.

As a child I placed a lot of importance around these identities. Since this was how my father introduced me to people I always created this pressure to fulfill that role to the best of my ability. But what if I didn’t win my swim race, was I still a swimmer even though I wasn’t the best? There was never any direct pressure from my parents growing up to be a straight A student or a high level athlete but for some reason I needed those accolades to feel good about myself. Funny how that is something that I created and it stayed with me my whole student-athlete life. Once I left that role as student-athlete I knew to expect a slight identity crisis. However, I did not expect it to lead me to questioning my entire past!

Now, being injured those questions of, “Who am I? What do I value? What is my personal legend? What is my purpose of life?” resurface and get my mind going again. If I cannot express myself in a physical manner through hiking, swimming or jumping what do I do? I recently spoke with a volleyball friend of mine who is going through the same thing as me. She is in pain, cannot be physically active and pursue her passion of beach volleyball. She will be going for surgery in a couple weeks and I wish her the best of luck. During our conversation we both acknowledged negative feelings that have aroused during this time. I like to believe that it is during these hard times that we develop true character and allow ourselves to be more than our identities or labels. I realize that I am enough, just the way I am right now. I don’t need to be a world champion, I don’t need to climb all the mountains in the world, I just need to be kind to myself and kind to those around me all the while exuding gratitude and love for this life I have been given.

The Art of Relaxation

I mentioned earlier that I believe our thoughts have a a strong influence on our physical manifestations and that they are powerful enough to create injury and pain. With this notion we can deduce that they are powerful enough to dismiss this injury and pain. Recently I began reading the book Healing Back Pain by Dr. John Sarno. His philosophy is that most back, neck and glute pain stems from TMS (Tension Mysositis Syndrome). This can lead to symptoms such as sciatica, nerve disruption in the arms and chest pains that mimic heart attacks. The cause of all of this is tension held in the body. This tension restricts circulation, deprives our cells of oxygen and can bring about a great deal of pain even without a physical trigger such as a fall or sport injury. 

Since I have vocalized that I have been dealing with this pain due to disc herniations in my low back many people have reached out to me to share their story. I am amazed how many people have suffered from disc herniations and back spasms to the point of not being able to move. I learned their mode of treatment, the mechanism of injury and how they are doing now.  Everyone`s story is different but each person sheds light on my whole experience. When one is in pain I believe it is so important to detach a story to it and to not fall a victim. I think it is a time of deep reflection and a time of releasing repressed anger or anxiety. 

Dr. John Sarno also touches on going through the medical system to get a diagnosis for one`s back pain. When you go through the western system Dr. Sarno mentions that a lot of the time people leave their doctor in fear of what they were just told. If someone leaves a doctor and they are told they need back surgery, their fear and anxiety will increase which will increase their pain. I can attest to this as I have been misdiagnosed with a large ovarian cyst and the first thing the doctor said was this needs surgery. Over time and a few other tests it was found that this was not the case and I left with the doctor saying ``Let`s pretend this never happened``. My trust in the western system of invasive therapy and pharmaceutical drugs diminished even further from where it was (which was small to begin with). However I do respect that this philosophy has it`s time and place for some people. This is a whole other topic that I will further divulge at another time. 

At this time in my life I am continuing to learn how to really relax. I have always been such a go-go, multitasking person who is hard working, driven and always scheming up plans and now I am beginning to change my patterns. This is tough because these traits have become a part of my identity. I find that society rewards this type of success oriented, burn-out behaviour. I hear people almost bragging about how late they stayed at the office last night finishing their work as if they are searching for that gold star that they would have received in elementary school. For me learning to relax doesn`t mean that I am going to check out of society or not take pride in my work as I believe one can still be successful without being compulsive. And so far the breathing, visualization, physio work and connection/support from others have eased my pain tremendously and I am grateful for it! All is well.

The Informality of Dating: Better or Worse?

We are all connected and not only by the source anymore. We live a fast paced lifestyle with our address/phone book always right at our finger tips. Like most people who use smartphones, I find pros and cons to being connected. Personally I love the ability to be able to call my best friends from university and talk to them almost any time of the day via skype or facetime but I do not prefer how much conversation is done through texting.  In regards to the dating scene I find a certain informality to it now. In the past one would have searched out your number or come up with a clever way to ask you for it, called you and talked to you in person. Then they would have set up a time and place for a date. This date involved getting to know one another, seeing if you were compatible. This “get to know you stage” is now almost obsolete due to the wide array of personal information on line. I can meet someone casually, google their name and then I go through that first date process and learn about them via their facebook, twitter or instagram. So is this better or worse?

Times are always changing so it is hard to make a judgement on the new age way of communication but I am the first to admit that I blur the lines between friends and dating prospects. Talking to people via text is safe. It allows me to get to know someone from a far with no commitment needed. But this non-committal conversation seems to be more a way to humour myself when I am bored or alone and does not seem to lead to any romantic endeavors. I believe if there were romantic feelings in the mix then texting conversation is limited and an effort is made for physical dates. To avoid getting hurt, I find a lot of people test the waters but never quite jump in. For example, I received a text one evening and all it said was a name of a pub. There was no phone call there wasn’t even a question mark. If you are interested in a person, call them, set up a date (I say that to myself as well!). If it doesn’t work out then that’s ok it wasn’t meant to be. The morphic energy field of this universe is in your favour if you allow yourself to be in the flow.    

The Recipe to Health and Healing-2 Parts Gratitude 1 Part Love

Currently I am reading “The Hidden Messages in Water” by Masaru Emoto. This is an incredible book that I highly recommend. Using high speed photography Emoto takes pictures of frozen water crystals after they have been exposed to words, pictures and music. Words like gratitude and love form beautiful water crystals and have the power to change the structure of water. Knowing that the human body is made up mostly of water I really start to understand how our words and thoughts influence our health both physically and mentally.

Gratitude and love have a certain vibrational frequency. Hate has the opposite vibrational frequency of gratitude. This means that the pain from the emotion “hate” can be cured through gratitude, as the opposite vibrational frequencies cancel out one another. I find this concept very fascinating and it has finally allowed me to make sense of one of my father’s favourite modalities of healing.

Growing up if I ever felt like I was getting the flu, or I had warts on my feet from the pool deck or I sprained my wrist, my dad would hook me up to the “zapper”. As a young child I found this both hilarious and slightly absurd but I trusted my dad and I went along with him. This “zapper” can be set to a number of different frequencies and can treat a wide variety of ailments.  Over the years he has had a few different machines but they all run under the same concept.

I am grateful to have grown up in a house that accepted “alternative” medicine and healing techniques. It has really allowed me to become the person I am now. Mom would be sitting with me reading the At Home Family Homeopathic Manual trying to figure out which remedy suited my constitution and symptoms while dad would have me hooked up to the “zapper” and wrapped in some sort of heat conducting foil.

During this injury of a trio of back herniations I am honing my power to self heal through positive thought. It is important I clear up any negative emotions and move forward to a path of healing through 2 parts gratitude and 1 part love.

The Enlightenment of Pain

Pain is a natural phenomenon, both predictable and unpredictable. When you put your hand over a flame you know you will feel pain and you also know this pain it will shortly go away. The concept of chronic pain is much more unpredictable. Chronic pain is pain that lasts longer than the expected duration of healing. I believe strongly that our thoughts create physical manifestations. I have learned this concept through Louise Hay. For example if you are not feeling supported in life perhaps you will be experiencing back pain. This is just one example of how influential our thoughts are. Therefore pain can be an avenue to enlightenment.  

I suffer from back pain and have been since I was young. It comes in episodes lasting a few days and the longest lasting 10 months. I have learned that this sort of pain is something I could be dealing with on and off for my whole life. Coming to this conclusion made me choose the following pattern: I feel good therefore I do everything I can, almost to the extreme. I am the first person to jump at the opportunity to go for a hike, a bike, a run, a swim and any other physical endeavor because if I am physically able then why wouldn’t I? I have been involed in all sorts of activities since I can remember but I believe this is a pattern that developed when I was 15. At this age I was unable to run and sometimes walk for a 10 month duration due to pain. As soon as I regained the ability to move pain free I never wanted to stop. Now at 24 years old, I feel like I am a car with a lot of mileage who needs a major tune up.

Looking back, volleyball was probably physically the wrong sport to choose to play with a sketchy back but it’s hard to deny such love for a game. I never regret any time I spent training for both indoor and beach volleyball. Along with having the privilege to play such a beautiful game I have met an amazing community of volleyball friends who I cherish deeply. I haven’t played beach volleyball for 2 seasons now hoping for my back to heal on its own. However, I am currently dealing with the worst back pain in my life.

It is amazing how many times I must be 'smacked' over the head with the same problem to truly learn a lesson. For me I will call this my third big episode and for those who know me if I have heard something three times then I really pay attention to it. I believe that is the universe doing its part to assure me I will make the right decision.

Over the years I have learned to take these 'thought to be negative' experiences and turn them in a positive light. For this I have become a better human being.  I feel that I have become more spiritually aware during these times and it brought on a lot of self development at a young age. Through dealing with pain I have really learned what the important things in life are to me. Perhaps this now gives people a slight insight on to why I am the way I am!

Chronic pain has the ability to take people to dark places. If somebody does not have a support system of trusted, loving people I think it would be hard to get through. During these episodes it has been my family and my mom who have really helped me through to the light. When I am in pain I catch myself being short or rude to this support system of mine when they are the people who deserve all of my love.

I am still figuring out what my take home message from this situation will be as I think it is still to come. Already I have learned that my identity does not depend on my physical capacity. Sports defined me for so many years and now I must redirect my main efforts to other things. I have learned that I need to slow down, breathe and enjoy where I am at the moment. So much of my last 2 years have been spent traveling abroad on my own. That served me at the time but now I must be grounded, enjoy this beautiful city and the amazing people who live here!