The Enlightenment of Pain

Pain is a natural phenomenon, both predictable and unpredictable. When you put your hand over a flame you know you will feel pain and you also know this pain it will shortly go away. The concept of chronic pain is much more unpredictable. Chronic pain is pain that lasts longer than the expected duration of healing. I believe strongly that our thoughts create physical manifestations. I have learned this concept through Louise Hay. For example if you are not feeling supported in life perhaps you will be experiencing back pain. This is just one example of how influential our thoughts are. Therefore pain can be an avenue to enlightenment.  

I suffer from back pain and have been since I was young. It comes in episodes lasting a few days and the longest lasting 10 months. I have learned that this sort of pain is something I could be dealing with on and off for my whole life. Coming to this conclusion made me choose the following pattern: I feel good therefore I do everything I can, almost to the extreme. I am the first person to jump at the opportunity to go for a hike, a bike, a run, a swim and any other physical endeavor because if I am physically able then why wouldn’t I? I have been involed in all sorts of activities since I can remember but I believe this is a pattern that developed when I was 15. At this age I was unable to run and sometimes walk for a 10 month duration due to pain. As soon as I regained the ability to move pain free I never wanted to stop. Now at 24 years old, I feel like I am a car with a lot of mileage who needs a major tune up.

Looking back, volleyball was probably physically the wrong sport to choose to play with a sketchy back but it’s hard to deny such love for a game. I never regret any time I spent training for both indoor and beach volleyball. Along with having the privilege to play such a beautiful game I have met an amazing community of volleyball friends who I cherish deeply. I haven’t played beach volleyball for 2 seasons now hoping for my back to heal on its own. However, I am currently dealing with the worst back pain in my life.

It is amazing how many times I must be 'smacked' over the head with the same problem to truly learn a lesson. For me I will call this my third big episode and for those who know me if I have heard something three times then I really pay attention to it. I believe that is the universe doing its part to assure me I will make the right decision.

Over the years I have learned to take these 'thought to be negative' experiences and turn them in a positive light. For this I have become a better human being.  I feel that I have become more spiritually aware during these times and it brought on a lot of self development at a young age. Through dealing with pain I have really learned what the important things in life are to me. Perhaps this now gives people a slight insight on to why I am the way I am!

Chronic pain has the ability to take people to dark places. If somebody does not have a support system of trusted, loving people I think it would be hard to get through. During these episodes it has been my family and my mom who have really helped me through to the light. When I am in pain I catch myself being short or rude to this support system of mine when they are the people who deserve all of my love.

I am still figuring out what my take home message from this situation will be as I think it is still to come. Already I have learned that my identity does not depend on my physical capacity. Sports defined me for so many years and now I must redirect my main efforts to other things. I have learned that I need to slow down, breathe and enjoy where I am at the moment. So much of my last 2 years have been spent traveling abroad on my own. That served me at the time but now I must be grounded, enjoy this beautiful city and the amazing people who live here!