Summer Solstice: A Day of Reflection

As I lay down and think about my day I am ever so blessed to have such amazing people in my life; to teach, guide, love and support me. My existence on earth is ever changing. Non attachment is an incredible skill I practice that allows me to grow, change and develop while not holding on to certain ideals or standards that once were. 

Gossip is a reflection of how one views themselves, so what bothers us in other people is actually what we need to change or bring awareness to in ourselves. When I talk about a certain characteristic of someone else it is just a reflection of my own traits or patterns. Tonight, it was so clear, I saw how I can be closed off emotionally, distant and cold. I continue to focus on opening up my heart a little more each day and I am mindful to carry love for myself and everyone around me all the time. When my heart is filled with love there is no room for fear. Travelling with this indestructible love will allow me to release stored tension and bring to life my dreams and aspirations. 

Happy Summer Solstice! 

Do men ever want to get married?

Romantic relationships are very intriguing to me. I am 25 years old and have yet to officially call someone my boyfriend. On the North American timeline I am a little behind but I'm not too worried. What I am more is curious; curious about long term monogamous relationships and how they come to be. 

Growing up as a child in the 90's I have a  skewed view of love, mostly due to Disney movies and then later exacerbated by romantic comedy movies. I am waiting for that undeniable love at first sight of Princess and her Prince Charming. After talking with my friends, viewing other relationships from a  far and quizzing my parents and my friends parents, my view of finding "the one" is dramatically different than originally thought out to be.

I want to get married not because of the church, not because that is what North American society has said but for the reason of growing together with an amazing being and becoming a team who support each other through the ups and downs in life. I believe there is a man out there who feels the same way. But recently I have began to wonder. Do men ever want to get married?

 I have "surveyed" countless couples and it appears that there has almost always been an ultimatum from the women,  "Marry me or I'm outta here!" A recipe for a lasting relationship, hard to judge but boy is that a familiar story. We can't deny that biologically women do have a window to have children and therefore they put the pressure on their man to decide if that's the next step they will take together but I never knew the women were the ones who actually asked for their partners hand in marriage. That down on one knee stuff should really come from the women! 

Perhaps this is just a west coast way (and I will have to share my opinion about the dating scene in Vancouver at a later date) but I still pray that the man I marry is equally excited to spend their life with me and rise together in love and not just propose due to a fear of losing me. 

 

Type A Personality and Back Pain

Once again my back pain strikes. Brought on by... Tension?, stress?, too much exercise?, not enough exercise?, too much sitting?...I never really know. Living in a time where information is everywhere whether it be right or wrong there is so much to learn and so much to do. I'm not sure if I would call myself A-type personality but I have a hard time just doing nothing. Exercise is my meditation. However, when these back episodes arise it becomes a time for me to embrace things other than exercise, ditch the regime and SLOW DOWN! As I have mentioned before why do I need to get to a feeling of pain and immobility to realize a change is needed.

I know deep down that I must cool my jets. Give myself time in the day to do nothing. A time where I clear my head and focus on my breath, subtle movements and connecting with the earth to allow for healing. 

It is sounds easier than it is as these are ingrained patterns from youth. I have now taken my competitive drive from sports and translated it to my career. When you have been a certain way for so long people expect certain behaviours from you and most importantly you expect certain things of yourself. What if I choose other hobbies in life? Ones that allow for a break of my physical body or a break in my everyday need to succeed & accomplish.What will my friends & my family think? How will I deal with a new identity?

This conversation seems to come up often with me as if I am holding on to my past instead of embracing my present self. To know and believe that where I am now is exactly where I need to be.

When it comes to treatment of pain I know it is deeper than going to my physio because otherwise I wouldn't have to go back so often. Time to turn my conscious power to my breath to release tension instead of storing it in my tissues. Key word....RELEASE. Something is being held and it's time to let go!

A Sleepless Night in Spring

As he lay here beside me

I think about we

Will we be together til the end?

Or is he just a friend?

This is comfortable yes,

But is it for the best?

Should I worry if he doesn't tie the knot

But all that matters if he cares for me or not.

All this confusion makes my future unclear

So I accept only love and release any fear

I am worth the world and he should know 

If he has decided to be my beau!

Visions Dance

There is something so comforting when it's late at night and my man has his arms around me so tight. I lay my head on his chest and listen to his heart beat; nothing but this moment has ever existed. To be wrapped among each other is a special moment as our breaths synchronize together. We are living creatures, so fragile. Deserving love is our birthright no reason is ever needed to be loved. 

Relational Faith

I have spent so much time on my own traveling, hiking, going for meals that independence is my comfort zone. I am able to do what I want when I want, I do not need to worry about the judgements of others asking why I do certain things or giving me any hassle.When I am out in the world on my own I come across fascinating people that I meet just sitting on the beach, standing at a bus stop or in the airport security line.  I love meeting new people because these relationships always start from a clean slate. There are no preconceived notions of how I should act, who I should be or what I should look like. This is when I truly feel most calm and relaxed. However, more and more I feel that to continue to learn about myself and my place in this world I am searching out longer term relationships. Instead of running away when I don't meet eye to eye with someone or I start feeling uncomfortable because I think my independence is getting sucked away I am consciously practicing developing my direct communication and my emotional connection without losing my true self. I have reached a point where solo traveling does not satisfy me like it used to. I now look to travel with loved ones where we can share special moments like an Indian Sunrise, a Hawaiian Sunset or a Galapagos moonrise together while embracing the pure contentness of the present moment. 

I recently spent 10 days traveling with a new friend of only a few moths despite us feeling like soul sisters. It was a great learning experience for me to practice my communication skills. I have a habit of internalizing my true word and running away when I cannot handle it anymore. With my friend I was challenged and inspired to speak my mind. I take what I learned these past 10 days as friends and translate that into a romantic relationship. I feel much more clear about my true personality and what sort of partner I am looking for to compliment me, teach me and allow me to grow. 

My friend said it very well, "In a true relationship you are loving and supporting the one you are with while still honouring your own truth." 

Ebb and Flow

My self image confidence comes in ebbs and flows. I try to rid my negative thoughts through my poetry. This came out this morning...

Upon the city I stare

Looking to leave this place I dare

I search for love and nature

The outdoors is my savior

Feeling beautiful amongst the trees

The forest is all I can see

This is my happy place where I can confidently show my face

I've had it with the judgment I just want to be confident

Without a reason why

As I sit there alone and sigh

I search for love unconditionally knowing that it must first come from me